um....! it's almost 3 am as i'm writing this. as a resident bedtime-at-11pm kind of gal, this is a little scary.. :D
so, i had some milk tea today for the first time in like a year, and now i remember why i don't have caffeine. whoopsie. i drove to work like an hour earlier than usual this morning expecting traffic, but i ended up getting to work in record time after hitting zero traffic.. and sat in my car for an hour waiting for the doors to open. after work i was so hungry that i had to stay in the city to eat, and also kill an hour to avoid traffic... the highway commuter life is not for me, man. the body yearns for trains...
i suspect that boba may not be the only culprit. i've basically spent all of my waking hours trying to figure out how to make my website. this is little passion project has proven to be very rewarding. i find that even when i don't understand something and waste a bunch of time, i don't usually come out of it feeling defeated or getting pissed. i believe this may be due in part to the fact that very few material resources are exhausted when failing to code. sure, brainpower and time, but it's not like i'm ruining $50 worth of fabric every time i fuck up my css grid--and uh, speaking of which, if this thing is still messed up when i upload this... i have to give up. i'm already fucked for tomorrow LOL. little autistic goils like myself who have full time jobs should not be staying up until almost 3 in the morning.
i am so grateful for how many free web design resources there are out there. i really want my little blarg to be 100% mobile accessible. like 99% of my own net surfing is on my phone, and also isn't it just sexier when a site is responsive? i love the way kevin powell (on youtube) teaches css, i am actaully NEARLY grasping CONCEPTS and that is so unheard of for me. learning new things feels so good. being creative feels so good. having a hobby that takes a ton of time and keeps me awake at night feels less good... but.... LOOK... website!! i have to have some sort of indulgence in my life or i'm gonna lose my shit ok!! i can't even drink alcohol or caffeine!!
is it me or does my tone seem a lot perkier and less cryptic/obnoxious here, compared to ywot? i think maybe because i have more creative freedom, while still being limited by my skill, i don't feel like i have to water myself down as much. oooh my eyes are getting heavy. my ass is gonna regret staying up so late tomorrow. (i literally work in like 12 hrs lol)
<-- previous entry next entry -->